


Blood, Blame, Guilt

by ConeyIslandBlitz



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, consensual knife play, knife play used as therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 23:39:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11931756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConeyIslandBlitz/pseuds/ConeyIslandBlitz
Summary: Following 2x12, after Magnus gets his body back. He feels bad for holding Alec partially responsible for what he went through. Alec himself feels partially responsible for what Magnus went through, and wants to redeem himself in any way he can. Magnus has an idea, which might make him feel better and give Alec a bit of peace of mind.





	Blood, Blame, Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> OK  
> Bear with me guys. This is my first fanfic in about 10 years. It might not be the most eloquent but I really just wrote this to get it out of my head. If it's like hella OOC then I'm sorry. I'm not that knowledgable in the rules of BDSM but I'm pretty sure knife play isn't supposed to be used therapeutically. I nearly used the Graphic Violence warning but I figured that were a bit extreme. I will put a trigger warning here in case you're not comfortable with reading about knife play and such. Also there's some smut afterwards.
> 
> Thanks to the Instagram user @alecswcrlock for giving me that extra push to publish this, because were it not for her, you wouldn't be reading this.

It was a terrible thing to think, but a part of him held his boyfriend responsible for the torture he endured in Valentine's body. As thankful as he was that Alec realised he was telling the truth just in time, he sort of wished he'd realised it sooner, believed him, took him at his word.

Alec knew in his heart that it wasn't Valentine; no-one called him Alexander the way Magnus does. There was no way Valentine could have known the intimate things Alec was hearing come out of his mouth. He felt responsible for the torture Magnus endured. He wanted so badly to fix it, only he hadn't the slightest clue how.

Alec knocked on the front door of his boyfriend's loft, despite having a spare key. 'I gotta fix this,' he thought to himself. It was a subconscious thing as a way of respecting Magnus' space, that knocking on the door.  
"Alexander, you really needn't have knocked."  
"I know, I just didn't wanna burst in and invade your space."   
"You could never..." Magnus trailed off as he beckoned Alec into the loft. He spoke again after a quick peck on the young Shadowhunter's lips. "So what brings you here?" he asked, offering Alec a drink, which he accepted out of politeness more than anything.  
"I just... came to see how you are, how you're dealing with all this," Alec answered somewhat hesitantly. He took a sip of his drink. 'Aah, beer,' he thought, 'he knows me so well'.  
"I'm doing fine. I've been better though. I guess this is me having a bad day," Magnus began, moving closer to Alec.  
"You wanna talk about it?" Alec asked, motioning to sit down. Magnus hesitated, then sat down next to Alec. He thought about how he wanted to say what he needed to say but worried about Alec's reaction. He took a deep breath and gave himself the courage to say it.  
"I've kinda been having bad thoughts. About... about you," Magnus confessed, expecting hostility from Alec, who instead put a hand on his shoulder in reassurance.  
"What kind of bad thoughts? Please, Magnus. I love you. Let me help you. Whatever it is, tell me and I'll do it," he promised, all the while his imagination began running wild. Did Magnus want to break up? Alec hoped not, he didn't know what he'd be without his magical warlock.  
"This is what I love about you, Alexander. You'd blow up the very ground you walk on to make something right. But this... isn't right. I..." Magnus really did not wanna say it; 'I blame you in part for my torture and now I wanna hurt you as payback' may not have sat well with his boyfriend.  
"Look, Magnus. No-one can blame me more than I blame myself for what you went through," Alec said as though he'd read Magnus' mind, "So... whatever it is you wanna do, I deserve it. Do it."  
Magnus looked away, ashamed of this out-of-character urge that sprung up inside him. This was Alexander, his Alexander, the Shadowhunter he loved more than anything. And he wanted to hurt him. Hurt him the way he'd been hurt by Inquisitor Imogen Herondale.  
"Magnus," Alec began, wrapping his arms around his beloved warlock, "a wise man once told me that there was nothing to be ashamed of. That wise man was you. So take your own advice." Magnus faced Alec with a weak smile. It took him more courage than he had to ask for the seraph dagger Alec always had on him in case of emergency. Alec handed it to him and watched as Magnus admired the sharp edges. Magnus then went to straddle Alec and take his shirt off, to which Alec complied. It was then that he put two and two together. Alec should have wanted to push him off and call him crazy... but he didn't. He knew he deserved this. He shivered as Magnus gently traced the Deflect rune on his neck with the cold, sharp edge of his own seraph blade.  
"You're hesitating," Alec commented.  
"I don't trust myself not to get carried away."  
"Then if I feel you're on the verge, I'll kiss you." Magnus nodded in agreement, and Alec nodded back, after which he said, "so... hurt me." Alec sat back as Magnus pushed the blade ever so slightly into his skin. He winced in pain, because obviously, but even he was deriving some pleasure from this. Who knew, Alec Lightwood was a masochist. Only as a coping mechanism had he hurt himself before. Now, Magnus was hurting him, and God, did it hurt so good. He could see them doing this more often. He sat back and relaxed as Magnus, whilst carefully evading the runes, drew blood with shallow cuts to the Nephilim's willing skin. Shallow cuts to play safe, but the blood that flowed was already enough for Magnus. This was therapeutic for him; yet, he'd never pegged himself as a sadist. Seeing the mix of pain and pleasure on his Nephilim's face gave him some pleasure too, and, oddly enough, reassurance. He continued making small cuts into Alec's skin, edging just the slightest bit deeper in the hopes they'll leave scars that said 'I belong to Magnus Bane,' which gave him the idea of carving his initials into the willing Shadowhunter's skin. 'Right on the ribs.' he thought, 'that should hurt like Hell.' He proceeded to do just that, and Alec let out a more than audible groan. This clearly hurt a lot, since tears were forming in Alec's eyes. He couldn't quite see what Magnus was doing but he appreciated that he was evading the runes. They looked one another in the eye for the first time since this mutual therapy session began.  
"I love you, Magnus."  
"I love you too, Alexander."  
"I trust you."  
"I don't trust myself though-"  
"I'll stop you before you go too far, ok?" Alec said, putting his hand on Magnus' face. Magnus stroked Alec's hand with his own. They gave one another the nod of approval and Magnus continued lightly slicing up his little Nephilim. He could feel that Alec was getting hard, as was he. He moved the now lightly bloodstained blade to Alec's throat and, ever so gently that it was almost a caress, pretended to slit that throat and pushed the point of the blade into Alec's shoulder. Alec could still feel the tickle of the blade against his throat while the surge of pain in his shoulder registered in his brain. It was at this moment when he pulled Magnus against his own bloody body and pressed his lips against those of the warlock, who returned the kiss, promptly dropping the bloodstained blade carelessly on the floor.

 

They moved perfectly in sync with one another from the couch to the bed, all the while kissing and caressing one another, completely losing themselves in the moment. Magnus pushed Alec onto the bed and with a flick of the hand, Alec was completely naked. He then made to pounce on his boyfriend, continuing to kiss, caress and all-out worship the body he'd craved to damage just moments ago. Alec, meanwhile, was fumbling with Magnus' belt buckle in an attempt to undress him. Eventually Magnus took his own black jeans off and wrapped his magical fingers around Alec's member. He began to stroke, ever so gently that Alec let out a loud groan, arching his back. He pulled Magnus closer to him and not only went for the lips but went on to kiss Magnus' neck too, even sinking his teeth in a little, to which Magnus reacted by moaning in pleasure. Magnus gradually upped the pace in which he was stroking Alec's cock up until he heard Alec say he was about to cum, and then Magnus reached out for the lube he always kept handy, coated his fingers and looked to Alec as if to ask consent which Alec gave, and so Magnus gently pushed one finger into Alec, taking it easy at first, and Magnus gradually opened Alec up wider, one finger at a time until Alec said he was ready. With this, Magnus carefully penetrated. Alec begged for more, harder, faster, deeper, but Magnus was being a tease by maintaining a slow pace, as much as he was dying to obey Alec's orders. He was deliberately trying to build momentum, making full use of this uninterrupted time together, prolonging the moment as much as possible. However it did get to a point when even Magnus felt it was time to get rough. He ordered Alec to get on all fours so he could do him doggy style, and once he was in, he took no prisoners. Rhythmically penetrating Alec and stroking his penis simultaneously, Alec was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the sheer ecstasy of the moment. He let out unashamed groans of pleasure, begging Magnus never to stop, and Magnus went harder, deeper, faster.

 

They climaxed near simultaneously, and collapsed onto the bed, Alec turning to Magnus, intertwining his own legs with the warlock's, and playing with his hair.  
"Feel better now?" Alec asked breathlessly.  
"Loads. Thank you, Alexander," Magnus replied, never feeling more content.  
"We should do this more often, that, um... knife play, I think," Alec commented. Magnus looked surprised. Every day he learned something new about this Shadowhunter.  
"You really think so? But.. I damaged you."  
"I deserved it. And anyways these wounds can be easily healed. Now, where did I put that stele-"  
"Uhm, let me take care of it," Magnus interjected, and waved his hand to heal every wound he'd given Alec.  
"Wait, not this one," Alec said, covering the initials MB that were etched into his ribs, "I'll wear this one with pride. I'm yours and only yours, Magnus. Yours till I die." Magnus was flattered by the gesture and leant down to kiss his beloved little masochist.  
"Where's that dagger?" Magnus joked.  
"Baby steps please, Magnus. Baby steps," Alec said, kissing his boyfriend again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's kinda short (I can't do long works of fiction for the life of me) but I hope you enjoyed it, feel free to leave me feedback if you like. I'm not sure if I'll write another fic tbh. You guys get to be the judge of that. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Update: all typos are corrected now xD


End file.
